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USBoM #24.24.2.2326 [soft target]
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| Are you a bad enough dude to hit yourself in the dick with a hammer? |
[01 Nov 2009|09:29am] |
NaNoWriMo and NOvember have begun. In thirty days, I will have done at least 50,000 words. And for the next thirty days, I will not smoke cigarettes, imbibe alcohol, ingest caffeine, or fap. And I'm going to try to cut back on the swearing.
But weed? Yeah, there's gonna be lots of that. I'm like a second stage Guild navigator and that shit is my spice melange. For the book I'm writing, getting out of my gourd is pretty much a prerequisite. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of my gourd.
See you all in a month!
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| Millenium Falcon |
[15 Oct 2009|01:16pm] |
GO BALLOON BOY GO! Escape Fort Collins! Seriously though, come down safe and sound, buckaroo.
So yeah, there's a six year old kid in a homemade balloon who escaped the regentrified clutches of my town and is presently about 7000 feet in the air. Miiiiiiiiiiiiiighty cold up there. And not a lot of air. He's somewhere over Weld county. He might come down soft, but you know...pray for him or whatever I guess.
***UPDATE 1: Teh Eagle Has Landed***
Well it came down somewhere northeast of DIA.
So guess what Falcon's balloon and Al Capone's vault have in common?
BRB, checking yard for missing six year old boy.
***UPDATE 2: Irony, Thy Name is Falcon***
So apparently Falcon and his family appeared on an episode of Wife Swap. They were the rowdy zany family of weather chasers who, you know, built experimental balloons and had kids that misbehaved and shit. But it gets better more tragically irony-y suddenly WAY better! The counterbalance family on the show, you know, the Oscar to their Felix? They were a family of people obsessed with safety and childproofing everything who made their kids wear helmets. I'm betting someone is feeling darkly vindicated right now.
***UPDATE 3: Schrodinger's Revenge***
Apparently a Weld County Sheriff's Deputy saw something fall from the balloon somewhere around Plateville. Now if you've known as many Weld County Sheriff's Deputies as I have, you've every reason to be skeptical. But it looks like there was indeed some kind of small battery compartment that was attached to the ballon, but now ain't. Now I know things may be looking grim for ol' Falcon, but I got me a sneaking suspicion that in four years I'll be selling a pack of cigarettes to the most badass elementary-schooler you've ever seen.
***UPDATE 4: Falcon's In The Attic***
I was pretty damn certain he'd turn out okay. Just a gut feeling. So yeah, Fort Collins' finest kind of neglected to more thoroughly search the family's attic (which is the first place I'd look if I was missing a kid, I don't care how many goddamned giant balloons are floating around). Falcon is safe and sound and probably didn't even get to see the balloon wreaking havok in the media.
Falcon, for his part, is sure to become one of the most badass kids that this city has ever seen. Like Kratos badass. Been on television twice already with more appearances sure to come, has storm chasers for parents, and he Andy Kaufmaned every news network in the western world. He is going to tear through every piece of pussy at Fossil Ridge High, then he's going to tear through Collins and then Rocky and finally Poudre cuz lets face it, the girls at Poudre are meh. He might even go through a "bad girl" phase and start nailing chicks from Centennial. If Paris on the Poudre was still open, I guarantee you that kid would have ruled it's cliques by middle school. He'll surely be the most popular guy at Surfside. We have not heard the last of Falcon, and I don't just mean the ensuing month-long avalanche of morning-show pukery. Kid's gonna be epic.
On the other hand, this could all be a stunt set up by ABC to promote the next season of Wife Swap. Either way we're guaranteed to see a follow-up episode.
***UPDATE 5: This is why we can't have nice things.***
In this youtube clip of Wolf Blitzer's interview with Falcon and his family, when Falcon is asked if he heard the people looking for him, he says "Yeah." And when asked why he didn't come out, he says, "Because you guys said. We did this for the show." There is a second of silence followed by (I am not kidding here) an audible fart, which I am certain is the sound of Ol' Pappy Heene's bowels voiding because his son just exposed his ruse on live TV.
Can I call it or what?
It gets better...Wolf finally asks what Falcon meant by that. Watch Pappy flip his shit.
So now instead of being the town with the badass 6 year old who trolled everyone, we're the town with the asshole parents who made their kid troll everyone.
***ADDENDUM: /b/ makes everything lulzier***
Apparently the Papa Johns on Harmony has been getting a LOT of orders for pizza to be sent out to Falcon's house. Even delivered a bunch. Turns out that /b/ found their address, and are saluting young Falcon for being such an epic troll.
Personal Note:
Sorry I haven't been updating lately. Or emailing any of you. Or calling any of you. Can't really talk to...people. Lately. Don't worry, seeing a doctor about it soon.
Ciao.
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| Big Brother Is Watching You |
[13 Sep 2009|12:50pm] |
Fun Fact: If you download enough MP3s, Qwest will disconnect your internet service!
=D
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| This is how I prefer to remember him. |
[25 Jun 2009|03:57pm] |
Rest in peace, Michael.
Sorry I haven't been updating lately, I've not been too social. I'll update soon.
Double apologies to Ms. Farrah Fawcet. You're just not as big of a star to me as EmJay so you don't get an "In Memoriam" on my blog. I'm sorry the King of Pop forced me to bump you.
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| Yes yes it's very sad, but... |
[05 Jun 2009|12:52am] |
...David Carradine: Suicide, Auto-erotic Asphyxiation, or murder?
Also, was he in Bangkok for child prostitution, meditation, or a new movie role?
Discussion starts here.
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| The Update |
[02 Jun 2009|08:45am] |
So Friday morning will be my last here at the old Book Ranch.
I know, I know, it's shocking. I've been there nearly three years. I'm not fired, I put my notice in a few weeks ago. I know some of you are probably screaming about how stupid it is to leave a job in this economy, and believe me, I'm right there with you. But it just became impossible to stay here. These people, these foul ass people. I ain't gonna give specifics because there is some stuff that's just too crude and vile for even me to talk about publicly.
Suffice to say that it has become impossible for me to view those sub-human arcade customers with anything less than homicidal malice and rage. And that ain't a good way to live.
I have a few resumes in at a few places, none too promising. I'll keep applying for stuff and try to ChaCha my ass off and donate plasma in the meantime.
And work is giving me 70 hours of paid vacation time on the next paycheck, and the owners want to know if I'd be willing to manage a store if a position becomes available and I grudgingly said yes. We'll discuss it after they tell me how much they gonna pay me. =P
So it ain't all that bad. =)
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| lulz |
[28 May 2009|03:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
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CURRENT M00D IS LOLING |
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Okay, Robzilla hasn't updated his LJ since '06 (or that's just when he last made a public entry, I dunno I'm not on his flist), and I don't know his email...
...but could one of you make sure he reads this damn craigslist ad:
http://fortcollins.craigslist.org/mis/1178127476.html
And don't give him too much shit when you do. ;-)
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| FUCK YEAH JAMWOW |
[21 May 2009|02:28am] |
I can't decide if this is as cool as the Rap-Chop or not. It's pretty close at the very least.
(thx ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) gwai_lol! <3!)
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| LOST 3: The Lostening |
[14 May 2009|06:33am] |
Dude, that shit was awesome, and I can't wait for the next season.
I hereby give you permission to post spoilers in the replies to this thread. It is time to discuss our theories, of which I have several.
IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE SEASON FINALE YET, DON'T READ THE REPLIES.
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| LOST 2: Electric Smokealoo |
[14 May 2009|04:52am] |
It finished downloading hooray! I've paused all other uploads so that I can seed this as fast as I can.
Sooooooooooooooo excited!
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| LOST |
[14 May 2009|12:13am] |
With so few seeders and so many leechers, this is going to be one damn long download.
Don't tell me ANYTHING till I've seen it.
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| Got it |
[13 May 2009|12:17am] |
Got the resume I needed printed out done at Kinko's. Sure, I had to pay like six bucks for the computer time and print fees, but hey, I need a jobby job.
Wow to all of the Kinko's hate in the last thread...I can't believe it's been a decade since I worked there...
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| Fuckdamnit |
[12 May 2009|12:36am] |
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Apparently, both my printer at home AND the printer at work are broken or out of ink. How the fuck am I supposed to be able to print my resume now?
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| Transitions |
[07 May 2009|06:17am] |
I think the Book Ranch and I have gotten about all we can out of each other for the past three years.
So does anyone know of any places in Fort Collins that are hiring?
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[06 May 2009|03:38am] |
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Also, I desperately need ink and acupuncture...which are very very similar in a lot of ways.
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[06 May 2009|12:17am] |
Rest in peace, Dom...you and Gilda are Ballin' The Jack for Jesus now.
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| Pubescent |
[06 May 2009|12:01am] |
That's the only way to describe how I feel lately. Like I'm going through puberty again. Hormones are out of control. I lash out at the slightest thing. I have too much energy and not enough to do with it. My body is engulfed in flames. My soul is blinding. My power can not be contained.
I am overflowing with light.
I am made of fire.
I am dangerous.
:-(
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